Addiction, cycle and entrapments

Nick is a regular salaryman who works as a software engineer in a small private company. He regularly works with people to deliver software to customers. because of that, he is pressured to deliver deadlines and tasks regularly to meet expectations. Nick is a really passionate person, who always tries his best to deliver his work. he always work overtime so he can deliver more work, and help progress the project faster. but nick is too passionate, he iften times think and reminate over his mistakes and get comfy too quickly, which makes his work not consistent. he is too eager to meet expectations, and people held him with high expectations. but when nick fails to dell iver the expectation, nick stresses out. stress over the fact that he is going to disappoint his boss. he gets overwhelmed over it, and he wants escape. so he turned to porn. he browsed a simple image, and it turned to hours of scrolling through sexual images. nick felt good, but deep inside, nick knew its wrong. he felt even more stressed over the fact that he watches porn. nick tries to reason with himself, if you watch porn, ut doesn't change the favt that you still have to tackle the task. nick realized that, but the tuck to watch porn and escape reality ia much tempting. so guiltily, but pleasurably, nick continued to scroll through porn. sometimes he feels not satisfied, so he runs his dick against the bed. nick feels awesome, he didn't have to deal with work, but he feels rewarded for doing just nothing. minutes tutned to hours, and nick is still feeling the constant screaming in his gut to atop. but nick doesn't stop. the more ge felt that way, the more he wants to continue. until when nick felt like he is about to cum, he stopped porn watching entirely.but his dick has been overly stimulated. without touching, nick came. nick felt euphoric, but hre quickly felt guilty and hopeless. all the feeling of the guilt he felt, rushed to nicks head at omce. nick didnt know jow to deal with this. so nick thought, ill learn from this, and never do it again. this thought brought nick hope, and going to work doesn't feel that nad anymore. but Nick's porn watching habit crept up on him. he cant feel any connection with anyone, including his family and colleagues. he felt inferior, and his self confidence took a hit his productivity plummeted, and he cant focus. nick told himself, its ok. everything will be fine in the future. eat it up, be patient, and trust everything will be better a week later, nick felt better. his mood stabilized, and he felt more at peace. but deep down, nick wanted more. he want to feel the high, he want to feel euphoria. his intrusive thoughts started to creep in. one image wont hurt right? so he started to browse something suggestive. he closed it off, but he revisits it when he feels stressed. slowly, nick starts to visit more explicit sites. and nick gets hooked again. the browsing statted from minutes to becoming an hour. nixk realized he really need to stop. so he did but he revisits it again. ans slowly, nick relapsed to porn. nick feels trapped in this cycle, but he told himself, whats done is done, and theres nothing he can do to revert his actions. so nick tries to forget what hes done and focus on his work. but due to his habits, he start to frel tired, and less motivated to work. he sound tired, snd low energy. he cant think fast, which causes frustration to all parties. nick felt the same as before. and he feels frustrated that he is feeling this way, so he turned to porn again. from just watching porn in a mont th watching once a week, and now, watching a couple times a day. nick realize that this is a real problem. he needs to fix this. he heard that he needs to find the source of the issue. he realized that he has always been alone this whole time, so he wants to voice out his addiction to others, but it felt weird, snd vulnerable, and he didnt want to feel that way. he tried to go out often. take classes to learn something, to go volunteer. it helped nick, but after a while, after some moment lf solitude. nick is back again to watch porn. the same pattern, giving into something suggestive, then going full blown porn. nick decides to read books, he figured it could be that his thought structure needs to change. nick read 松弛感, and nick learned a lot, and nick felt like he found his purpose in life. but after a couple days of following his lesenings, nick is back to watching porn again. nick feels his feelings, and thought that his feelings depictd the future. so he cobtinues watching porn. deep down, nick knows that he should he doing dsmage control, and stop watching porn, and get to sleep. but nick is too tired to face that feeling, and want to total release brfore doing that. nick also thinks that if he stops now, he would want to resist the trmptation, but not stopping porn itself. but nick also reslize, that he is just overthinking, or he could use an advice to stop. nick isnt surr what to do. and here is nick, writing a fictional character that protrays his current life. not knowing what he can do to break this cycle. and nick is feeling depressive everytime he watches porn to escape his thoughts, too fearful to face it. too fearful to avcept tgat, his feelings are helping him to improve snd become what he wishes to become. the cycle still remains. the problem is still unsolved. his life is still feels stuck at age 25, and his life will never be different. but does nick wants to live this kind of life? deep down, he truly believes that there is s better kife up ahead, and he should be