Philosophy

Today’s Blender session was frustrating. I kept running into the same feeling over and over again: I don’t know how to do anything. Every small task felt difficult, and every mistake made me question whether I was even capable of learning this skill in the first place. It’s hard sitting in front of software that feels so powerful while feeling completely lost inside it. At the same time, my mind wasn’t just fighting Blender. Negative thoughts kept creeping in too — especially the feeling of always being the social outcast in groups. Those thoughts have a way of attaching themselves to everything. Suddenly, struggling with a tutorial doesn’t just feel like struggling with a tutorial. It starts feeling like proof that you’re behind everyone else. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I kept reminding myself of something important: learning anything worthwhile is painful at the start. I remembered a video of a woman trying to lose weight. She was eating salad while crying because of how h...

For the past year, I’ve felt stuck. Not in a dramatic way, but in the exhausting, lingering kind of way where nothing you do ever feels enough. No matter what I accomplish, there’s always this pressure in the back of my mind telling me I should be doing more, achieving more, becoming more. And strangely, the stronger that desire becomes, the heavier it feels. It stops being motivation and starts becoming a burden. A lot of these realizations started when I began watching Dr. K. The way he articulates human emotions is almost unsettling sometimes. He explains feelings so precisely that it feels like he’s reading thoughts you didn’t even know how to express yourself. I think part of me wants to become someone like that. Not necessarily a psychologist or self-help figure, but someone who can articulate emotions clearly enough that other people feel understood. There’s something powerful about hearing your own struggles reflected back at you in words you could never find yourself. Maybe th...