Philosophy

I said something that was intended to be a joke, but it sounded like I'm criticizing her. I don't know where this thoughts came from, and I've never felt this way before.  I've always been quite self absorbed to a point that I don't care about what others think, but today, for some reason, it felt like I cared so much that I can't work at all. And I feel like this feeling is bringing me down a spiral. I know this is just temporary, and I should just accept my feelings as it is, but the feeling felt like it's constantly looming inside me., and it doesn't feel like it's getting better. Is it because I need to change my thoughts? Is it because.. I just need to accept as it is and move on, maybe worry about something even greater than whatever it is now?  I feel like the brothel visit has made me less passionate for my goal. I can feel like I'm losing the purpose of writing. And it sucks. And most importantly, is it even healthy that I'm having t...

I feel horrible today. Why? because realization of the feelings I brought to people hit me. I realize how fragile I am when I am criticized. I realized how poor I am in terms of performance, how unrealiable I was, and how unfriendly I am. And I realized how much pain I've brought to people. My thoughts went to going to a brothel again, but of course, my conscience is telling me not to, and I don't even want to. Even though the thought of fucking an escort still lingers. Her tongue on my butt, and how I spread my legs for her to lick it, and how I got to my hands and feet, and how passionate was her lick on my butt. Enough of that, the more I think about it, the more I want to go to a brothel again. And enough of these negative thoughts. Let's start with something positive shall we. Lets see... Maybe I can think of the things I've achieved today? Like I've managed to solve a pretty hard issue, in my opinion of course. And I was able to conceptualize a pretty hard ...

Just finished a hard day of work. Since my parents are gone, I've decided to make dinner for myself. I bought the ingredients I needed, and I started to get to work. But, I felt like I don't know where to start. All my mind was that, I just wanted to get the food cooked and eat. I originally bought sonme onions, some sausage to go together with the crepe that I bought together. But, for some reason, I just felt lazy, and wanted to get it done as soon as possible. Like, is it due to the dopamine spike that I had yesterday? Whenever I listen to the inner demon of mine, the lustful demon inside me. I would always become impatient. Like, I feel like I am not in control of my self and my emotions. It hurts me because, I'm feeling this way because my decision lead me to this state, and I literally did it with no reason. Just out of pure boredom, and that's scary. Because I literally have no self control, and I just wanna do anything that I want to, no rules, nothing. I...

Me: Yes, I've done it. A 25-year-old man, with a clear head *kinda*, but chose to listen to his chimp. Friend: What happened? Me: I visited a brothel. Friend: Oh, are you feeling lonely, or sad? Me: No, I just felt.. like I need to feel the high. Like I craved for that feeling. Also, another part of me is literally telling me to do it, and for some reason, you didn't stop me. Friend: ...I'm sorry, I did try to reason with you. Like did I not say that there are certain rules that you can't cross, and this is one of them? Me: ...Yes, but imagine how good it feels to be able to fuck a woman. Friend: Well, how do you feel after visitng a brothel? Me: ...Regret, and empty. And fear that I will get addicted to this. Friend: Well, there is your answer. Me: But I can't trust myself that I will listen to reason, and not visit a brothel despite that. Friend: What do you need? Me: I need.. security, I need some diversity that invovles physical movement. I need at...

Yes, I've done it. A 25-year-old man, with a clear head *kinda*, but chose to listen to his chimp. How did it all started? It started when I've decided to keep listening to my chimp. My chimp has a really weird tendency towards sex. Like when I'm bored, sex. When I'm happy, sex. When I'm content, sex. After I've finished a hard task, time to watch some porn. But this time, I don't really know what came to me, I'm not feeling stressed or anything like that, there's just this really deep want to fuck a woman. I know that it is bad because first, it costs a lot of money, second it really objectifies everything that you see. And thirdly, it prevents yourself from being vulnerable. Like you would lose the joy of even socialising. Like even the mentioning of joy of socialising makes me feel weird. It makes me feel like, I don't belong to socializing. What's even worst is that, it feels to me that visiting a brothel doesn't affect me tha...

Nick is a regular salaryman who works as a software engineer in a small private company. He regularly works with people to deliver software to customers. because of that, he is pressured to deliver deadlines and tasks regularly to meet expectations. Nick is a really passionate person, who always tries his best to deliver his work. he always work overtime so he can deliver more work, and help progress the project faster. but nick is too passionate, he iften times think and reminate over his mistakes and get comfy too quickly, which makes his work not consistent. he is too eager to meet expectations, and people held him with high expectations. but when nick fails to dell iver the expectation, nick stresses out. stress over the fact that he is going to disappoint his boss. he gets overwhelmed over it, and he wants escape. so he turned to porn. he browsed a simple image, and it turned to hours of scrolling through sexual images. nick felt good, but deep inside, nick knew its wrong. h...

- Be more reasonable as a person - Having my own goal - Playing osu, writing, drawing, maimai, colorful stage - Playing the guitar - My face - Liferay - Be more secure with myself. I realized that pondering over the bad things in the past makes my mood really bad, and makes me hopeless. Just thinking about things and not doing makes me feel really bad, so I'm not going to think about it unless it's constructive.

- Rethink what I'm doing - Why im not achieving anything (with so nuch time brcause i wasted too much time thinking about doing things - Rethink why I'm constantly going out without purpose - Rethink my goal, why am I avoidig these difficult feelings, and why am I stuck in a rut, brcause of these avoidance - my motivation to becoming good at my job, and thinking if its an environment issue or its a me issue - Thoughts came after socializing with people, learning, reflecting. - Thinking if I've learned something from it, goods and bads. why wasn't I able to do anything or achieve anything - because of not being serious enough. -my motivation to self improving, making thigs fun, solving the issues thats bothering me and not escaping, and realising that there are so many issues ahead of me, and i shouldn't be stuck in the same issue. - Thinking that there should be a system i use to help me, so i can be more consistent. - Thinking that how should i solve the problem o...