Philosophy

 Today, I've watched porn again. I woke up in the morning, feeling like I'm about to die. I've felt some sort of rush behind my back, around my kidney. Then, I thought back on how I would always destroy my kidney if I were to continue this habit. Then, my thoughts spiralled to how I would die if I keep up this lifestyle of drinking too much water at once. Then, I would think of how important it is to keep myself healthy, how awesome would it be if I continued my exercise habit. How putting health as priority over anything else like work, relationship and hobby is more imporant in when you're young. Then, the thoughts just keeps becoming more and more haunting, I become more uncomfortable about it. and I became quite stressed about it. Then, for some reason, the subconscious part of me wants to search something sexually implicit.  Then the more I search, the more I want to watch more explicit content. It occured about 1 hour. I actually stopped after 45 minutes, but it f...

 When I was young, I was an avid reader. I wouldn't say I'm passionate about it, but I did make a point to always read when I'm free. As I grow older, and the more books I've read. It felt like the things I've read is useless. Since I'm just reading it, not applying it. So I gave up reading. Until lately I've always brought a book with me when I'm outside. Occasionally, I would flip through the book, read a couple passages and stop. But, that action lead to something positive. When I'm going on my day, sometimes a thought of the passage in the book would come to mind, and I would sometimes think about it, and think of how to apply in my life. This is one case of why reading is always positive. Another case would be, when I'm deep in the rabbit hole of watching porn. Sometimes passages of some books I've read previously would one to mind. For example, the book "habits of effective people" mentions about doing something within your lo...

 We love doing something. It makes us feel purposeful. It gives us energy, it fuels us with joy. It makes us think that we are productive, and doing something that brings value to us, and also society. But, too much of it will only bring harm than good. At least that is what I think. Yesterday, I have a really productive day. I was able to work on multiple task at once with AI. I was thinking good prompt that fixes problems that wouldn't cause other issues. I was meeting deadline like a beast.  The next day, I felt like complete shit. Partly because I had a really bad sleep yesterday, feeling content over my achievement - which I shouldn't, and should be working on my habits and sharpen the saw, instead of feeling content. I had a unproductive 2 hours this morning, so I decided to go out to work. I did like, 4 hours of work, then went back home. Then, my drive and motivation plummet again. Feeling like I don't have the motivation to work, but still there's something in ...

 1) You still have to deal with the same shit with or without porn. Since porn harms productivity and well being,might as well not doing it. Even after you watch porn, life still goes on. You're still doing the same thing tomorrow, it's not like all the sudden, you can become super productive tmr, or you don't have any other jobs and yet, you get free money. So, if watching porn makes you feel terrible, gives you low motivation and makes you perform worse, and yet, you still have to do the same shit too. Might as well not watch it, and you can perform better too. 2) it's better to take a step forward than to go backwards. You don't have to take the cab, take the train is fine. If feeling in a hurry or boredom, and feeling like you need to answer it, think that you don't need to. You don't need to do any work if you don't feel like it, it's better to walk forwards than taking aeroplane, and then going backwards. 3) Human often times crave for rewards ...

The book "The courage to be hated" explains that your past will not affect your future. What does is the decision you make now and the goal attached to it. A lot of times, my past has determined my goals that I haven't even realised. For example, when people asks help from me, I would not feel happy, and really unwilling to take time to help. That's because my goal is to make myself happy, and I will only entertain events that makes myself euphoric. Another example, when I watch porn. The goal is to get rid of boredom and feel euphoric. When I game, I want to have a sense of superiority. When I am around people, and I feel uneasy and not talk to them, because I don't want to look weird, plus I don't want to feel vulnerable. Realising these, I just need to switch my goal when I am presented in a situation when it's undesirable for me. For example, if someone is asking for help from me, I can reframe my goal from it makes me feel bad to doing charity, and bu...

 Often times, I feel like the need to rush through things, to get things done with the shortest amount of time. This feeling often backfires, and I would always go back to porn because I can't feel passionate about reaching my goal, or I would always feel content and bored, and have a thought like "it's been some time since I have played erotic games, wouldn't hurt to play for a short while." But this feeling couldn't be trusted. I should distract myself from it by doing other things. And if I ever go back, it's my subconscious thought that leads me in. My conscious thoughts should stop myself from doing it. But anyways, I'm writing this article because I would like to note down some things that I find helpful from reading a book called "The courage to be hated".  It says to find your own tempo in progression life. That means to find what makes you happy, while also doing the things that helps you progress towards your goal. Also, the danger ...

 It's Sunday, and it's rare that I don't have anything to do. Most items I have tackled at work, and now, there's quite a lot of time on my hand. Feeling bored, I decided to watch some anime, while exploring a new topic in programming. In computing terms, it's called unit test. I've explored how it works fundamentally, and how it works in Java, and also how it applies to the current project I'm working on. I've asked Claude to generate me the necessary prerequisites for the unit test, as well as writing the unit test for me. But, the idea of setting things up from scratch just bothers me for some reason. I've thought about it, and it's because I need an activity that lets me relax, and not always tense. I'm still figuring what activity is that. I could be playing games, but I don't like to do that. Writing is good, but the idea of needing to learn new stuff because I don't know how, just makes me feel stressed, and not able to relax. ...